Revival - Who's the Winner?

A young Methodist pastor was ready for his first appointment. As is often the case, his DS gave him an enthusiastic pep talk before he moved to the small rural town that boasted one Methodist church, one Presbyterian church and one Baptist church.

"This church has a lot of potential!" his DS said. "But they've been under-performing. They haven't had any new members in three years. I want you to go and help this congregation become the congregation that God is calling them to be!"

The young man moved to the town, got settled in the parsonage, and "got his feet under him" with his new appointment. A few months after his move, he called the pastors of the other two churches and asked them to meet him for lunch.

"I've got a great idea that is going to help all of our churches," he said. "Let's have a revival! We can bring in a dynamic preacher, organize our churches to do mission work in the community, and have lots of delicious meals together. There are a lot of unchurched people in our town - let's show them what our churches have to offer!"

The other pastors agreed; and the revival was held. It was glorious! The preaching was inspired, the mission work made an impression on the community; and the food was, indeed, delicious.

A month after the revival, the young pastor again called a lunch meeting, so the pastors could evaluate the revival.

"I am so excited to meet with you!" he said. "I can't wait to tell you that our church - which hasn't had a new member in three years - welcomed four new families to our congregation after the revival!"

The Presbyterian pastor shared his enthusiasm: "That's great!" he said. And I want to tell you that we had six new families join our church after the revival. God is good!

The two men looked at the Baptist pastor, who said, simply: "Well, I have to confess, we did not have any new families join our church after the revival."

The other two pastors didn't know what to say.

But then a slow smile spread across the face of the Baptist pastor. "But we had ten of the most negative, meanest, most stubborn and least welcoming families leave our church, and our church has never been healthier or happier!"

The Great Cake Deception

It was time for the annual cake sale at a Presbyterian church. Mrs. Billings always made 

the most beautiful cakes and she was expected to make another one this year. However, 

Ms. Billings was a very busy woman with the time she spent with her family and the time 

she gave to her community. She put off making the cake this year, thinking she could 

put it all together at the last minute.

When the cake came out of the oven, Mrs. Billings was horrified to see that the cake had 

fallen. She didn’t have the time or the ingredients to make another one and she panicked. 

Frantically, she devised an ingenious plan. She would find a way to "fix" the 

cake...then she would be the first one to the sale and buy her own cake back. 

Mrs. Billings looked around the room, trying to find something that she could use to 

"prop" the cake back up, and then she found it. A roll of toilet paper was the perfect 

size. So, she put it under the center of the cake and the cake looked perfect. She decorated 

it bright yellow and took it to the bake sale. Then she stuck around until the bake sale 

started. 

She was the first in line when the doors opened.   She smiled to herself about how clever 

she was. But then there was a terrifying horror crawling up from within her. She looked 

at every single table there was no yellow cake! Someone had snuck in before the sale and 

purchased it. The helpers couldn’t remember who had purchased it either because there 

was so much going on. 

She went home and felt absolutely horrible. That was it.   They would find the toilet 

paper in the cake, trace it back to her, and ban her from ever cooking ever again. 

Mrs. Billings didn’t have a whole lot of time to dwell on her problem. She was going to a 

reception that the Mayor’s wife was holding, and she was already a little late. 

When she got there, Mrs. Billings almost died right where she stood, because there, at the 

center of a brilliantly decorated table, was her bright, yellow cake. She debated all of her 

options: grab the cake and run, change her name and move to Tahiti, call in a bomb 

threat, or tell the hostess. It was a dead tie between calling in a bomb threat and telling 

the hostess, when she decided to muster up the courage to tell the Mayor’s wife of the 

horrors that awaited her inside the yellow cake. 

As Mrs. Billings got up to tell the hostess about the cake, she overheard someone 

complimenting the mayor’s wife. "That is simply the most beautiful cake I have ever 

seen!" To which the Mayor’s wife replied, "Thank you, I made it myself." Mrs. 

Billings then sat down and enjoyed her fruit salad. 

I Left My Sins at the Supermarket!

A Catholic priest, who had become very deaf in his advancing years, had formed the habit of asking those erring members of his flock who came to his enclosed stall to write their penitences on a slip of paper, instead of speaking them to him. The practice worked fairly well until one day when the father heard a heavily-breathing man enter the visitor's side of the confessional and fumble for a few moments as a small, crumpled piece of paper was passed through the curtain into the old cleric's hand.The confession read: Two cans of beans. Quarter pound ham. Cans of Coke. Four fish filets. Bread rolls. Toilet paper. Large coffee. Soap. Butter.The priest studied the note for a puzzled minute or two and then silently passed the slip back.Suddenly, there came an agonized voice from the stall beside him: "Mother of God, I've left my sins at the supermarket!"

As told by British journalist Godfrey Talbut, and referenced in Executive Newsletter 9:2 (1994), 6.