Saturday, January 15, 2011

A Tribute to Grandparents

Every Grandparent can testify that if someone would have just told them that grandchildren were so much fun, the choice would have been made to have them first!

****
She was in the bathroom, putting on her makeup, under the watchful eyes of her young granddaughter as she'd done many times before. After she applied her lipstick and started to leave, the little one said, "But Gramma, you forgot to kiss the toilet paper good-bye!"

****
My young grandson called the other day to wish me a happy
birthday. He asked me how old I was, and I told him, "62." He was quiet for a moment, and then he asked, "Did you start at 1?"

****
Grandparents have one thing God doesn't have: GRANDCHILDREN!!

****
After putting her grandchildren to bed, a grandmother changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin. Finally, she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings. As she left the room,
she heard the three-year-old say with a trembling voice, "Who was THAT?"

****
"A grandmother is a lady who has no children of her own. She likes other people's little girls and boys. A grandfather is a man-grandmother. He goes for walks with the boys and they talk about fishing and stuff like that. Grandmother's don't have to do anything but...be there. They're old, so they shouldn't play too hard or run. It's enough if they drive us to the market where the pretend-horse is and have plenty of quarters ready. Or if they take us for walks they slow down past things like pretty leaves and caterpillars. Usually, grandmothers are fat but not too fat to tie your shoes. They wear glasses and funny underwear, and they can take their teeth and gums off! When they read to us they don't skip or mind it if it is the same story again. Everybody should try to have a grandmother, especially if you don't have cable- because they're the only grown-ups who have time."

****
Grandparents are the only ones who have time to play.

****
A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own childhood was like: "We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods." The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this all in. At last she said, "I sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!"

****
My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?" I mentally polished my halo while I asked, "No, how are we alike?" "You're both old," he replied.

****
In the car my four-year-old granddaughter asked me why I was wearing the brightly colored scarf I had on. "I thought it would make my blue suit look much prettier," I said. After a moment's consideration, she replied sympathetically, "It didn't work, did it?"

****
A little girl was diligently pounding away on her grandfather' s computer keyboard. She told him she was writing a story. "What's it about?" he asked. "I don't know," she replied. "I can't read."

[From Sermon Central]

Well, if the Pope Can't be Patient...

I once heard a humorous story about the Pope who was on a visit to America for a period of time. On his last day of the visit, he was delayed due to meetings and was unable to break away to catch a flight.

Since he couldn’t depend on his Pope Mobile, he phoned for a limousine. When the limousine arrived, the driver was joyfully surprised that it was the Pope who called for him. The driver became nervous and was beside himself. He proceeded to drive very slowly. The Pope became nervous and told him to hurry up. It did not make a bit of difference. The driver went slower; he wanted to keep the Pope in his limousine as long as he could. The Pope could not be delayed any longer so he asked to drive the limo himself. The Pope sped off and reached the speed of 85 miles an hour. The policeman who stopped him was shocked when he discovered the famous personality behind the wheel. He frantically phoned his police chief and said, “Chief, I have stopped a very important figure for speeding. I don’t know what to do?”
--“What do you mean? Give him a speeding ticket!”
--“Sir, in all honesty, I can’t.”
--“Why can’t you? The law is the law. Who is it anyway that you stopped? Is it the mayor?”
--“No, sir.”
--“Is it the governor?”
--“No, sir.”
--“Is it a congressman?”
--“Is it the president?”
--“No, sir.”
--“Well, then, who is it?!”
--“I don’t know sir! All I know is that the Pope is driving him to the airport.”

[story found at Sermon Central]